Metamorphosis (The Two Moons of Rehnor, Book 7) Read online

  "Christ Almighty," I swore out loud. "This ship has far too many weeping women on board, and I sure am getting tired of visitors from other dimensions."

  "You think you are?" Taner scoffed. "I'm ready to slit my own throat. Working for the Evil Emperor was nothing compared to this."

  "How about if I buy you guys a drink?" I offered and headed to the refrigerator in the galley. I pulled out three beers and handed them to my friends.

  "This beer is a little warm," Taner remarked.

  "I wouldn't mind a bottle of Vodka," Michael requested.

  "Unfortunately, all I've got is three warm beers and a broken refrigeration system."

  "We'll drink it anyway," Taner insisted and tossed back half the bottle while Michael fumbled with the cap on his. When he couldn’t quite twist it off, I helped him do it.

  Then, the three of us knocked bottles and toasted all the women we loved, who stupidly loved someone else, no matter what dimension they were in.

  "Any chance we can watch the vid?" Taner asked. "I'd love to see a football game."

  "Hey Andy," I called. "Can you tune into ESPN from here?"

  "Sure, Zorky," Andy replied in her seductive vixen voice. "I'll do anything for you, just tell me what."

  "Football. Find us a game that's going on. See if the Raiders or Cowboys are playing anywhere right about now."

  "No, Raiders or Cowboys," Andy reported. "Any other teams you wish me to try?"

  "The Turko Tigers?" Taner suggested. "They're in the playoffs against the New Mishnah Ravens."

  A moment later, the vid tuned in to a Rehnorian football match which I was surprised to see looked just like our NFL.

  "Awesome." I sat back and watched after microwaving three packets of buttered popcorn. Then, I put my feet on the table and enjoyed the game with the guys.

  "What are you watching?" Katie asked as she emerged from the kitchen with a diet coke.

  "Tigers against Ravens," Taner said just as the Tigers scored. Taner stood up and cheered while Michael booed and hissed and banged the table.

  "Do you like them?" I asked him. "Or are you just routing for the opposing team?"

  "I have always been a Raven's fan since I first learned anything about the game. As far as I'm concerned, there's no better team in the league despite how they always lose."

  "I can't stand this," Katie cried and ran from the room again.

  "What's bothering her now?" I started to ask but decided just to shut up and forget it. "Andy, how much longer until we get out of this worm hole and arrive at Omega Centauri?"

  "Good news, Captain Zork," Andy called. "There's finally a light at the end of the tunnel we are going through. We'll be entering Omega Centauri within a few hours. From there, we will transit to Alpha Tau Omega. We should be able to land the plane by mid-morning. Thank you for choosing Andy and Mandy's Freightplane for all your travel needs. We hope this voyage has been an enjoyable and memorable adventure for you."

  "You could say that." Taner studied his empty beer bottle as if he couldn't believe his beer was all gone.

  "Off sides!" Michael screamed to which Taner leapt from his chair with a shocked expression.

  "It couldn't be," Taner gasped. "No, there is absolutely no way. That would be far too strange even in these odd circumstances."

  "Just don't try to kiss me.” Michael laughed and slapped his thigh as the Refs now called off-sides. He leaned back on the couch and put his bare feet on the table, displaying the ugliest toenails I'd ever seen.

  Taner shrieked and stepped a few paces from his chair.

  "Oh sorry, do they smell that bad?” Michael blushed. “I couldn't tell. I'll put my socks back on. There, is that better, Lord Taner, sir? You can sit down again if you want. This game isn't even half over."

  "Sir?" Taner nearly wept.

  "Did you say yes, sir, Lord Taner, sir?"

  "Sir?"

  "Sir, sir?"

  "Can you guys just shut up and let me watch the game?" I shouted.

  "Shut up!" Katie screamed from the room down the hall. "Or I'm going to come out and shoot every one of you."

  "What a gal." Michael sighed with a love struck expression on his face.

  "That Golden girl is something else," I agreed, although I wasn't exactly sure just what she was.

  On the other hand, I wasn't sure what any of us were. All I knew was, I wanted them gone.

  Chapter 17

  Berkan

  "Berkie," Luci screamed. "Oh Berkie, I've got so much to tell you. This trip has been quite the adventure. Blessed Saint, I can't even begin to describe."

  "Yes, dear," I replied and stared down at my desk. I had the tax laws of Amaterasu nicely ordered in front of me. I was still missing page one, but two through nine hundred fifty-four were in order.

  "Since you're home there in Korelesk, I've got a long list of Honey Do's starting outside in the yard. Are you ready or would you rather I email them to you?"

  "Go ahead," I mumbled, discovering that page twelve which was behind page thirteen instead of before.

  "First, check the problem with the irrigation pump and find the missing rototiller in the garden shed. When you've finished that, the lock on the garage is broken, and the mailbox is leaning over. The pool filter hasn't been changed in over a year, and the pool boy hasn't come. I think the roof on the shed house needs a good cleaning."

  "What?" Uh oh. I was still missing page ninety-six, and page one hundred twenty-two was showing a bunch of blanks. "What did you ask about, Luci? Something in the garden I need to find?"

  "Yes, Berkie," Luci snapped. "After you've done all that you will need to call for repair as the stove in the kitchen isn't working. The dishwasher leaks and the faucet has a drip, the washing machine is off balance. The dryer takes too long. I think the vent must be clogged with lint. I'm so glad you're on vacation and can fix all these things."

  "But I'm not," I cried. "I'm back in Mishnah at the Palace. Going to work is much more of a vacation than staying home."

  "Well, who's going to take care of all these problems?"

  "Don’t we have a gardener and a cook? Surely, we have a butler who runs our house? I'm the bloody Earl of Korelesk and the Imperial Chief of Staff. Why must I continuously remind everyone of exactly who I am? Do I need to stand on a box and shout my name?"

  "Calm down, dear," Luci scolded. "I didn't mean for you to fix the sink yourself. I dare say if you climbed underneath, you wouldn't have the foggiest idea what to do. Just tell the butler what you need and let him deal with the rest. I'll be home in a few more days and then we'll get it all settled."

  "Are you enjoying yourself at least?" I asked while shuffling through the blasted tax code one more time.

  "I am in a way, I suppose." She frowned as she continued speaking. "Odd things have been going on, and Katie's activities are worrying me. She seems to be in the midst of a midlife crisis."

  "What's she doing?" I looked up at the screen, brushing the whole damn tax code off my desk. The papers drifted to the floor like a pile of autumn leaves. Luci looked away. Her lips trembled as she spoke again.

  "She's playing with the men on board, and I fear she will either shoot them or take them to bed."

  "Well, let's hope she shoots them," I cleared my throat, "for if she beds them they'll surely die. A bullet in the arm is nothing compared to what Senya might do. What's got into her, do you think?"

  "It must have something to do with us being off in this strange dimension. Everyone is acting peculiar except for me."

  "You're never peculiar, darling," I said as my father pushed open my office door. He trundled in and sat down in the chair before me. He looked tired and very worn as if he hadn't slept at all for many nights. His head slumped limply, and his chin fell forward to his chest. "Luci, my love, I must ring off. Loman's here and needs to chat. Enjoy the rest of your trip and I'll see you in a few days."

  "Goodbye, Berkie," my wife called through space, time, distance and possibly anothe
r dimension. "I'm not playing with any men, so you have no need to worry."

  "Of course, darling, and I know you haven't a clue how to shoot a gun. What's the matter now?" I turned to my father while pulling a flask from the drawer in my desk. I offered it to him first and then took a drink myself.

  "Berkan, you're turning into a drunk."

  "I assure you, I'm not. I just need a little fortification when dealing with all the relatives you are foisting on me. You're the one who looks a bit ill. Have you not exercised enough today?"

  Loman rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  "Exercise," he repeated, putting his hand upon his chest. "I've had far more than my ninety year old heart can handle. Charlotte has turned into a bit of nymphomaniac in bed."

  "Thank you, Father." I stood up. "I really, really don't want to hear about this. That's way too much information for my innocent young ears."

  "She wants me every morning and night. She even wants me at teatime. Berkan, I'm going to die of a heart attack before my wedding. Do you think she killed off poor Manny in the same way?"

  "I haven't a clue," I shrieked. "Why don't you go ask him? He seems to be holding court every afternoon in the cemetery."

  "This isn't funny," my father snapped. "Who else can I talk to and look for advice? All my friends are dead, or in nursing homes drooling in their soup."

  "Go speak with Senya when he returns from wherever he's at. Perhaps the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Katie certainly has kept him entertained for years, though now she's off doing Saint knows what with other men."

  "What?" My father raised his voice and his head. "What is she doing and where did Senya go?"

  "I can't answer either question as I am as much in the dark as you. However, I did get a message from him late this morning. He expects to be back in a few days. He said he's enjoying his vacation and will return in a pleasant frame of mind."

  "That will be a first," my father grumbled, rising to his feet. "Though I suspect it won't last very long when he discovers what Katie has been up to."

  "We'll see." I bid my father goodbye, after all I had a tax code to reorder and count. "Would you like to dine with me alone in my suite tonight?"

  "Thank you, Berkan. Indeed, I'd very much like to be there. In fact, I dare say I'll have to sleep on your sofa if I stay too late."

  "Feel free. What's mine is yours. You're welcome to hide in my closet any time. I shall see you at seven when I finish my work here."

  Loman rose and left my office, his shoulders back, and his head held high until I heard the voice of my future step-mother calling down the hall.

  "Loman!" she trilled with joy. "Oh Loman, I'm waiting for you. Darling, have I got a surprise!" My father's heavy steps scrambled off in the opposite direction. "Oh Berkan," Charlotte called as she poked her head through my door. "Have you seen your father anywhere around?"

  "Not at all, Mother Charlotte. I've been diligently working alone all day, right here."

  "I wonder where he's gone off to?" she mused. "Would you care to join us for dinner, dear? I'm making soup with balls. They're Loman's favorite."

  "Thanks anyway, Mum. I've already got a date with my…uh…vid. I believe there's a football match on tonight. The Korelesk Kings are playing, and I never miss their games, no matter what. It's as if my whole life depends upon it."

  "That's a shame." Charlotte smiled and waved goodbye. "Allen and Stella are going to join us again. You had so much fun together. I'm so glad that the two of you are becoming as close as brothers."

  "We are indeed." I nodded and nearly choked on my words, though I forced a smile for Charlotte's benefit. "We're just one big happy family, as normal as the folks down the street, especially when we include Senya and Katie."

  "Who?" Charlotte paused. "Oh, I remember now. You mean Katie's husband who used to go by the name Ron. Well bye bye, Berkie, dear. It's so good to see you again, and I do hope you'll change your mind about the soup with balls."

  Not five minutes had passed since Charlotte disappeared that Allen and Stella came strolling into my office.

  "Lord Korelesk, I presume."

  "Duke Allen of Renfort." I reached for my flask, which was feeling empty.

  "I wished to discuss the matter of our parents’ marital commemoration. I've been told we shall sit in rows by rank."

  "Blessed Saint." I upturned the flask and swallowed every last drop. "Don't tell me we are about to head down that path again."

  "Beg pardon, My Lord, what did you say? Would you repeat that?"

  "Forget it, sir Duke. Go ahead. "

  "I want to sit up front," Stella declared. "On the dais, as a matter of fact. I think it is appropriate for our rank and station."

  "On the dais," I repeated with disbelief. "You mean the place where only the Imperial Couple sits?"

  "Well if Katie's allowed, I don't see why Allen and I shouldn't."

  I checked my flask and cursed it for failing me at this crucial time.

  "Lord Berkan, are you listening? Did you hear what I just said?"

  "I did, Lady Stella, though I wish I hadn't."

  "Will you do something about it?" Allen probed, so I smiled and answered most polite.

  "Of course, I will, sir Duke. I intend to bring the matter up directly."

  "See, My Lady," Allen replied, beaming with satisfaction. "I knew brother Berkan could help us with this problem."

  "I don't know if it shall be any help at all." I smiled as well as spoke in my very nicest step-brother voice. "You see there are certain protocols and rules which dictate your station and thus, it determines where you sit in these types of events. While His Imperial Majesty may gladly let you sit on his throne, there are forty-nine governors of planets who are next in line. Following that there is a host of kings and queens who now recognize your brother-in-law as their emperor. After them, I'm afraid, we've got more dukes, some with duchies as large as entire continents. After that, we've got the earls whose provinces span across their globes. Now let me think, who else there might be ahead of you when it comes to the hierarchy. I believe there may be a janitor in the Palace basement who ranks ahead..."

  "I understand!" Allen abruptly interrupted.

  "So you're saying we should sit exactly where?" Stella asked.

  "Well by rights you should be in the rear, perhaps even the third balcony tier, last row. I'll just see if because of your sister's position, I might get you assigned to the main floor."

  "Good man." Allen rose to leave. "Come dear, we must work on what to wear."

  "But Allen," Stella whined. "I thought we were going to sit on the dais."

  "We'll just have to speak to Katie when she returns. Goodnight Berkan, see you soon, I dearly hope."

  "Indeed," I replied. "I look forward to that moment as well."

  When the door finally shut I considered moving all my furniture in front of it. I turned back to the mess on my floor, having forgotten how I dumped the tax code down, when I heard a rap on my window and turned to see my father's frightened face.

  "Berkan," he mouthed. "Let me in."

  "Go away," I mouthed back. "Leave me alone."

  "Loman!" Charlotte called.

  Quickly, I unlocked the terrace door and admitted my father once again. He hid in my closet until she passed down the hall, then he stayed there another twenty minutes just in case. While he hid, I typed a message to Senya informing him, I couldn't handle his vacation any longer.

  "Hang in there, Berk," he immediately replied. "I shall be back soon and deal with all the fools and non-relatives. In the meantime, if you desire, I shall give you an enormous duchy, as certainly, you deserve a promotion."

  "No, thanks." I wrote right back. "I've no desire to be anything more. Just come home and help me out with these relations."

  "I shall do," he repeated, and signed off, but before he did, he added this final remark. "You need not worry about ordering the pages of the Amaterasu tax code. I believe it is now all available in
pdf."

  Chapter 18

  Taner

  "Let me help you," Joanne insisted as I lifted Caroline from the bed. The ship had landed near the lake that Michael had originally told us about.

  "Doors open," Andy called. "All passengers are free to de-plane."

  "Are you ready?" I said. Caroline nodded her head.

  "Joanne, will you hold my hand?" she asked.

  Joanne took her mother's hand as I carried her down from the ship. Slowly, we walked across the meadow toward a golden lake, hidden in the woods. The trees had a golden tone too, even the sky seemed to shine with this light.

  "This is the most beautiful place, I have ever seen," Caroline whispered.

  "Is this the planet Alpha Tau Omega?" RJ asked in a hushed voice. "It's kind of cool whatever it is."

  "Michael," Katie called. "Are you sure this is the right place."

  "I think so," Michael nodded. "I mean, I read that it would be like this. Didn't the navigation system pinpoint exactly where to go?"

  "I took us to where you asked to be, Doc," Zork replied. "We nailed the landing within half an inch."

  "Then, this is the right place and everything's going to be just fine. How are you feeling, Caroline?" Michael came up alongside us.

  "I'm ready, Michael. Put me down, Taner. I believe I can walk from here."

  "Are you sure?" Reluctantly, I set her on her feet.

  "I am, Taner. I am totally certain. I am going to be leaving you now."

  "What?" I gasped as she turned to look at me. She took my face in her pale hands.

  "I love you, Taner. You're the second best thing that ever happened to me. The first thing was of course, Joanne." She reached out to pull her daughter alongside. "Now, I want the two of you to be together and love each other as much I do you. All I want is for you both to be happy."

  "What do you mean?" Joanne cried out. "Where are you going? I thought this was a cure. Michael, you said this was supposed be like a fountain of youth."